Three years prior things were different. He had a successful business, he had it all. He bought a house in a prestigious estate. There were friends, lots of them. Gazing in to the past. Oh how easily money rode in. His life was filled with abundance. Fleeing every weekend anchoring in a different place, He was the life of the party. How he was envied. He liked his friends envy, it made him feel worthy.
He grabbed for his keys. Like so many times before he fled from reality, speeding off to look for her. The girl that made him feel good for a while. The one that makes the right noises if he pays enough. His mind was now a haze between reality and fantasy. With every heartbeat he convinced himself more and more that he needed it, he needed her. He parked out of sight. There were no cars near the house. Insidiously he pulled up to the gate and gave three hoots. The gate opened and he was lost. Lost in a sinful, glowing magnetic drawing power. Lost to reality, lost his conscience, lost his soul.
He did not feel better now. Only feeling better for a while whilst unleashing his sorrows and anger with her. Now like so many times before his guilt and conscience ate away his moral being. Knowing she would not come cheap and that he did not have the money he just spent. His phone rang. He had to answer, it was his foreman. Irritably he answered, to receive the update of the days progress on site. He was aware of their constraints. They needed material to finish.... they wanted the rest of the wages that was due. He bit on his lip trying not to snap, ending the call as fast as he could and with a "we will get the material" and "as soon as the money comes in I will pay all of you" lies. The material was ordered but never paid. the only truth was that he was waiting for money. The next project's deposit.
He steered the ship which was now in calmer seas towards his local pub. The other lie came to life, the one he lived by. Believing that a drink would calm him, would wash away all his stress and anxiety. Why should he go home, what for? There is nothing there but a house filled with emptiness. It was two years ago when she packed her bags and left. The pub was filled with locals. He got a warm greeting as he walked in. The owner escorted him to the VIP section. You only became a VIP if you were regular enough and spend enough. He did both. Whilst sitting down in his usual space the owner enquired about payment of his bill. He nearly fainted when he heard that the amount due totaled R10000.00. With his usual charm he did not show his surprise nor shock and made the excuse that he did not bring his wallet with, but promised to transfer the money the following day.
It was much later when the gang members that he used to befriend came in. They seated themselves amongst him. He never felt threatened by them even though he was never an active member. All sense already evaporated and by now he was talking freely. They offered him some and he gladly accepted. He used it before, he knew the effects and once again succumb to the lie that that was what he needed. Reality was totally removed. They needed him. They do not call on you for nothing. They had stolen goods that they needed a buyer for. The parts had to move fast to leave the trail cold. He had connections and he would not fall under suspicion, getting his cut. He needed money.
The next morning he only awoke at 09:00. There were several missed calls. He send his foreman and office a message to tell them that he would not be coming in. He would keep his ship in shallow waters today, he thought. Going out to sea meant facing the waves and winds.
Things were not going smooth at the office. The foreman had to lay off the workforce for the day. The foreman's day turned into a full blown storm when the customers attacked him. The current project was nearing it's deadline and they were not there to complete it. A previous customer threatened with legal action due to inferior work done. The work was not inferior due to expertise, but lack in material. If only he could just walk out, he thought. He has already applied for other work but nothing viable has come up. The workforce held him accountable for their short payments over the preceding month's. He sat for a while and started praying. For him being a Christian was not just sitting in church but it became a daily way of living. He never hated his boss, he just despised his actions and lost all respect for him. The telephone jerked him out of his prayer. The receptionist asked him to take the call. It was the bank looking for the owner of the business. As discreetly as possible he tried to handle the situation. It was only a matter of time before the ship sinks. The hull already had a crack and water filled this boat faster that anyone wanted to realise. It was not getting another job that kept him on this boat. If he left he would not get his money back. He would just fall into the long line of creditors awaiting payment. Although that concerned him he did not fixate on this. He would never take his money back through stealing, it was against his moral.
.......................................
It was not before twelve noon that he decided to go to the pub to get a bite to eat. He felt like a train trampled all over him whilst struggling to face the sun. The day did not seem dark for the deposit came in. He immediately transferred half of the money to his personal bank account. The business owed him money, he believed. Also believing that he did not earn a salary and therefore entitling himself to the proceeds. He contacted his foreman and arranged for the workforce to complete the unfinished job. Knowing all to well that he still owed them money and they might not show up for work, he decided to transfer a portion of what he owed to them. Because of him they have a job, they should be grateful, he thought.
After paying his bill and having lunch, the gang leader joined him for a couple of drinks. The gang leader new all too well that he was too wasted the previous night to conclude a deal. After refreshing his memory the deal was closed. It only took a couple of phone calls to ensure that the stolen goods be moved to the various prospective buyers. All money would transfer to his account and he would pay the gang in hard cash. He was very happy and fond of himself. This was like a little bonus for him. They celebrated by taking some. His boat was still in calm sea's.
The following morning he awaited his staff at the offices. He was all work no play, taking on everyone as they came in. This drove everyone up the walls. He shouted at the suppliers over the phone blaming them for falling behind on the project. He paid and therefore demanded delivery, now! The foreman tried to do the planning for the next project and compiled the list of material. He was not in the mood because he knew that the money he got now was just enough to finish the current project. He convinced his foreman to focus on the current project and promised they would order the material for the new one the following week. Playing for time until he received his cut of the deal with the gang. The foreman tried to discuss the problems of the previous day and the phone call from the bank. Now he became aggressive and walked out of the office. His boat was shaken and waves crashed against it, therefore he got into his car and left. No need for stormy seas he thought.
The phone rang and without looking he answered. It was the unhappy customer with the inferior work. The customer threatened with legal action. No one dare threaten him, who does this customer think he is, he thought. His reply still shouting was quite easy, "if you do not pay the retention money I will hunt you down and "fuck" you up. Read my contract. You will pay every last sent." Now the sea was too rough, the waves too high.
He phoned the foreman and took the whole situation and his anger out on him. Blaming the workforce for the inferior work. He asked the foreman to phone the customer and arrange that they tend to the problems the following week. He also asked the foreman to mail the bank and arrange that payment on the outstanding loan installments be made the following week. The foreman hated this. The foreman was being used and when promises were not kept he got the blame. He went further to scold the foreman for not bringing in enough new contracts. (Totally forgetting that the customers he deceives and yell at is his biggest advertisement). Reminding the foreman that he got paid quite a huge salary and therefor it is expected of him to give his utmost best, whilst threatening to close the business down.
He decided to steer his ship clear and for the first time in a long time headed home.
He never reached home, in fact he was lost. He found himself swimming in the waves. Grasping for air as they push him to the bottom. His ship was wrecked, he had no harbor to go to. Lost in an ocean of problems, lies and deceit. He started walking in circles. He now also lost his car. It was getting dark and he looked for a place to sleep. A concrete trench would serve as a sleeping place, hoping that it would not rain. He lay on his back staring at the stars wondering if there is a God. When things started going bad he blamed God for it. He vowed that he would stop believing. Through all the good he has done God has left him, he believed. He fell asleep for a while.
He awoke feeling cold. He left his jersey in the car. It was difficult to tell the time, he did not have a wrist watch and his phone was not with him. He could not remember where he left it. Walking around to get some heat, still very confused at how he got there. A piece of plastic lying on the ground became a blanket whilst he fell asleep again. It was as if he was washed ashore on an island without a means to return home.
The following morning, hungry and irritated he tried to find a path home. Every path that he took just lead in a circle to the same origin. Out of rage he hit a tree trunk. Whilst turning around he saw a man sitting on a stone not far away. He approached the stranger for help and directions. The stranger sat quietly eating some bread. Quite peculiar, he thought, the stranger did not look like a homeless but was dressed in a cloak. He asked the stranger whether he could spare him some bread. Without looking up the stranger offered him a piece. He started a lengthily explanation of how he got there and how important it is for him to get home. Asking whether the stranger could help him with directions. When he did not receive any reply he promised to pay the stranger a huge sum of money for his return. He still did not receive a reply and now became furious, he grabbed the stranger to lift him up. It was the first time that the stranger looked up and their eyes met. He was never afraid of anything nor anyone but he slowly stepped away. In the eyes of the stranger he saw fire and that scared him. He walked a few meters away but kept the stranger in the eye.
The anxiety and stress of the preceding months got the better of him and he fell in and out of sleep. He kept a stick close by for in case the stranger tried something. Every time he awoke the stranger was still in the same place, seated on the stone with the cloak drawn over his face. He awoke once again to the smell of meat braaing over an open fire. Sitting upright now his hunger overtook him and he approached the stranger once again. This time with manners he asked to be seated and whether he could have a piece of meat. The stranger only nodded and cut a piece of meat from the makeshift braai.
They sat together in silence. He stared into the fire and saw her. "Whore" he hissed. She left him for another whilst he was working very hard to build his empire. He gave her everything a woman desired, she was ungrateful. The more he looked the more his facial expression changed. She was sitting all alone at home waiting for him, but he never showed. This occurred more than once. She tried hard to cook for him, make the things he like but in his absence she ended up giving all her hard work to the dogs. He saw how many times she tried to talk to him and how little interest he showed. Her tears fell like daggers on his soul. He would not admit to this stranger that he was to blame. He started explaining how hard he had to work. How drinking relieved his stress and how she never understood.
He gazed into the fire again and saw the lavish parties he gave and attended. He smiled, that was the life he thought. He saw how his drunk actions effected others and how he ended up in bed with married woman. With a shock he saw what it looked like when he took drugs to clear his conscience.
He saw how his needs exceeded his income and how he crippled his business. He saw how he took money that was meant to pay suppliers and the effect it had on their businesses. As if it was not enough he saw what each staff member went through when they got late or short paid. Now he was quiet, he did not have an explanation.Staring straight ahead of him a robbery unfolded and an innocent man paid with his life. The gang leader shot him. All of a sudden the bonus was not a bonus anymore and when he looked down he saw blood on his hands. He now looked hard at the stranger. "Why should I still live? I made such a mess of everything" he said aloud. Then he saw Jesus. He saw how much He loved him. Tears rolled over his cheek's. How could Jesus love him? The sacrifice that Jesus made played like a movie in front of his eyes. He was unable to hide his grief and shame.
He turned once again to the stranger,"Who are you? Where do you come from? He did not receive a reply. "Can I stay here?" he asked, "I can not return to the mess I made." The stranger for the first time spoke aloud. "You will have to return." He shook his head in dismay at the stranger. "Why should I return?" Softly the stranger started explaining. "All come to earth to learn. Life is a lesson, and expedition undertaken to better your character. Some choose to learn and keep the good, others tend to chase earthly things. They seek only pleasure and ease at any cost. You have to return in order for you to better yourself." Now practically begging he asked the stranger to show him what will happen upon his return. He did not like what he saw. He was not the same he limped. His face covered with scars. The bank moved in and took as much as they could. His staff were employed by his opposition. The people that called themselves friends walked out on him and shut the doors. He became involved in court cases publishing his wrongful ways outlaying the truth of his actions. "I can not do it" he said "I will commit suicide". Then he saw himself in a wheelchair at a state facility, not being able to walk nor move. He felt the pain of being trapped in his own body and realised that suicide would not be an option. Trying once more he begged the stranger "Please let me stay, I can not do it". The stranger replied "If you try and do anything by yourself you will fail, like you failed before. If you remove the I and walk with God you will be able to do it. Life is not meant to be easy, nor is there shortcuts. Take this chance, make the best of it, apologise and walk in the truth".
The paramedics worked fiercely to cut him out of the car. They stabilised him but his heart stopped working twice. They fought for his life, fought to keep him alive. The car was a wreck, a ball of metal, but a miracle that the driver's seat was still intact. He was in a sea of waves and noises again, but knew he would not drown. His shipped wrecked but never beyond repair.....
